Pagan Werewolf Story (Fiction)

It took me 20 years to come to terms with being a human. But this isn't a story about ripped clothes or howling at the moon. This is a story of survival. This is a story of Faith. Do you know what it is to look in the mirror and recognize your face, but expect it to look differently, deep down? I know, I know the doctors call it body dismorphia, and delusional, and borderline personality. They say I am afraid to accept my "Issues" and that I externalize it and Vwala I have the Wolf inside. I went to therapy for years. I heard voices, I bit other children, I peed on things… I got in fights. My parents were ashamed of me, the wild child, when I got older I could see it. So I stopped. I ate with a knife and fork. I peed only in restroom (or on trees when out in the woods). I stopped sniffing the air, I stopped sniffing people.

Great you say right? Case closed. This boy is cured. Modern science Wins! Except, it never actually went away. I was just trained to stop. My Father was the boss, and I followed him. My Mother is still dominant to me and I do what she says too. I know I am human in body. I have looked at every inch of my body in fine detail. I have seen the insides too (x-rays are neat). But then we ask, as I did, what makes a man a Man? If it looks like a man is it? Are corpses men? They look like them. Are chimps Men, they are genetically similar? Are computers Men? They can talk and play chess. So I studied and I looked. I found science and religion and philosophy. And in these things I have found one thing in common, men ask why. And in that way I am a man.

Religion is a tricky subject though, reincarnation is a sticky wicket. What once was a bug can now be a man. So who says what once was wolf is not now man? And if that man is a wolf inside, is he a man or a wolf? The Christians believe it is your soul that makes you human. So what is a man-wolf to do? Learn and act like a good dog. Ever seen people train dogs? Ever seen people train toddlers? There is about the same amount of chew toys and newspaper. But that is a dog and a man. The wolf and dog have only one thing different, wolves grow up. So you see dog-men would be awful, something childish from birth to death. Wolves also need a pack. They need it, like plants need sunshine and water. So what is a man to do when he needs a pack? Buy dogs? Work at the zoo? Train humans (this is btw the least hard option)?

I said this was a story of Faith and it is. I believe my soul is Wolf. I can't see it, I can't weigh it, I can't prove it. All the research I have done, all the science that has been done points to the logical conclusion that it is indeed human(Occam’s razor for one). Although really the easiest thing to believe is that I am indeed crazy. I believe in something that can't be proved. Not just that, but it is illogical and against all known understanding of science that what I believe is true, is actually true.

Unless of course you are a religions man, because then you can believe in anything you want to as long as it comes out of a book. And so I believe. I have started the Church of the Pack. We meet altogether on the full moon and we howl at it. Afterwards we sing songs and have a potluck dinner. I preach at the front about love and joy and helping out your pack mate, and how all of us are pack mates, even those who don't believe. And I also preach about how the creator can smell you and find you anywhere. And you can never get lost form Her. And that together we are strong.

I wonder sometimes when I look up and down the street of churches what was in their souls that they needed to stand, sit, kneel. I wonder what drives one to play with snakes and say inane things in squawks and chirps. But I don't have much time to think on that these days, my wife's pregnant with a litter on the way.

Praise Her in all her glory, my tail wags and my tongue hangs out, for through Her, I have Pack.