Silence

I did some Work this morning because it could only happen in the daytime. BTW Wintertime is the most annoying time to have to do day work. I’m just saying. But anyway it was great work, I talked to a person I respect and got to know him personally and listen to him and he shared secrets with me. They are about things that happened, things in the past. Things I am not allowed to share.

He told me to get use to it. He told me the stronger I get and the bigger witch I become, the more I will know and not be able to volunteer. He said I will make friends in many places where people will not want their stories told, but if I’m lucky they will tell me.

So I have a quandary. I love to know. Really really LOVE to know. I am a seer comfortable with it, or not. I look and find and hunt and make connections. It is one of the things I am really good at. And I can see and know, if I keep my mouth shut. I love to tell stories, and I love to share information esp. with peers who will appreciate it. One of the great joys I have in life is discovering something cool and sharing it with someone I care about.

This doesn't mean I can't share ever, it just means I have to either wait until I am asked or for a specific moment where I NEED to tell someone something. I have to work on the Silence. I hated that part immediately when I first read it. To know, can do. To Will, got it. To Dare, always. To be silent, I suck at. I love to share info. I want to live an open honest life and hiding myself and keeping secrets seems like walking a very thin line for me. I've hidden most of my life, so anything that smacks of not openly honest makes me cringe like I'm hiding again. I don't want to be evasive and elusive anymore. I like and respect honest and forthright. (I also respect the artistry of evasiveness and word fencing. But that is beside the point.) I think the deeper I delve the less I will be allowed to share and that makes me sad and feel lonely. That’s it, it make me feel cut off from communicating and connecting in open and free ways.